1.01.2005

2004's Most Annoying Celebrities

As the year comes to a close, Americans are bright-eyed and flush-cheeked with anticipation of another year spent hating those who have and/or do more than ourselves. My contribution to the New Year spirit is Spoonleg's Official Pictoral Representation of 2004's Most Annoying Celebrities. Don't get me wrong: I hate a LOT of things other than celebrities (most of which involve gold taffeta or croissan'wiches).

Like many of you, my river of hate runs deep and wide. So when I begin to question my very existence and ponder the relevance of this crazy, mixed up life, I always find solace in knowing there are some bastards out there who are WAY more fucked up than my hatred could ever imagine... thus curtailing said hatred a lilliputian of a degree. And that, my friends, is my gratuitous New Year's Resolution for 2005.

KIRSTIE ALLEY
Look Who's Eating Now. Why does being fat suddenly make her famous again? I wish I could take back all those childhood nights spent watching Cheers, because now I'm having nightmares involving Ted Danson, cankles and LOTS of honey baked ham.


ROB SCHNEIDER
This guy is like one bad movie and half-an-inch of Caucasian afro away from becomming the next Pauly Shore. And I ask you, America, do we really need another Pauly Shore?


HERMIONE
Why does this bitch have bigger boobs than me? Why am I afraid that allowing young pre-pubescent boys to watch Harry Potter has exponentially contributed to the splooge-covered carpet in my local cinema house?


NEMO
Commercialism at it's prime. The fact that millions of grown-ass Americans find it not only acceptable but even COOL to don Nemo shirts, caps, smocks, sweat bands and fanny packs makes me question what kind of crack they lace their products with. It also makes me wonder when my Nemo knee pads are going to arrive so that my ceremonious idolatry sessions will not be impeded by the harsh wood floors.


MARY KATE OLSEN
Perhaps the damaging parental environment on Full House inflicted some sort of psychological trauma on this girl. In my mind, she might have seen Uncle Jesse and Uncle Joey playing Nudie Popeye Puppet Show one too many times. Quick, someone get this child a spanking!


CONDIE RICE
You dirty, lying bitch.


RON ARTEST
23 reasons to look up the word INTEGRITY.



JESSICA SIMPSON
My wish for you in 2005 is that you HUMP YOUR HUSBAND AND GET PREGNANT AND FAT ALREADY. I'm tired of seeing your Pro-Active Attractive ass.


LARRY ELDER
Your show sucks more than Jerry Springer's. Take your Christian ideals and your self-righteous convictions and shove them up your crap hole. And don't come to me when you need help gettin' em back out again.


HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. Let's get drunk and pretend that it's all going to be ok.

Comments:
Ron Artest wears 91 this year (in honor of Dennis Rodman, good Idol). So now we have 68 more reasons to look up. ::sigh::
 
I know he does. But I couldn't find a picture of his busted ass wearing 91.
 
Honey, you forgot the obvious: Miss Paris Hilton! Tee hee! Although I must thank you for not posting another gratuitous piccie of her. Nevermind.....LOLOLOLOL!!!

Cheers!
Clo ;)
 
I can't help it bebe. I love me some Nemo. I seen it at least 6 times. EsssssCap-eh.

I love your list except that there was no Cameron Diaz to be found. That could just be a "me" thing though, because she annoys the living shit on a stick out of me.

I like your blog. Keep it up! :)
 
Post a Comment



<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?