American Idle

Could I BE any more desperate for American Idol to start?

One thing about me, I totally hate reality TV; it's gotten way out of control. I mean let's get real here: am I going to meet, fall in love with and mount my future husband over the course of 12 one-hour episodes? Am I ever going to wrap my DD boobs in a size 0 designer swimsuit and eat a bucket full of mange-infested puppies? Would I ever want to study business practices under a man with heinous hairplugs, a bankrupt empire and the personality of a mime on benzos? Would Vince Neil and Corey Feldman ever really be roommates?

So reality TV is like, so un-real. EXCEPT for the Idol. What could be more real than thousands upon thousands of undermedicated young people standing in line for 7 days with the misguided perception that their vocal talent rivals that of Jasmine from Aladdin? What I want to know is which halfway house in Atlanta decided it would be a good idea to take all of their residents on a field trip to the American Idol auditions. I also want to know where they get their outfits because sequins and safety pins seem to be making a huge comeback.

To me, the beginning of each season of American Idol is like watching Jerry Springer or a deadly car wreck; you feel really bad for watching, but you can't help but think, "at least I'm better off than THAT guy." The only difference is, I don't feel sorry for the assholes on AI. Listen dude, when your mommy told you that you could do anything you set your mind to, she wasn't referring to striking a pose like the Material Girl on national television.

There's a reason why we enjoy watching people's hopes and dreams get shattered into a million pieces like so many of my ill-fated mirrors. We're sick, we're sadistic, and we like to see people lose. There's a niche for that sort of thing and network television is exploiting the shit out of it. I don't even watch the Bachelor or any of it's similiarly wretched demon-spawn offspring, but I'll be damned if I can't WAIT for Trista and Ryan's marriage to fail miserably. Who wants a happy ending these days? I want to see people who are bigger failures at this reality show called life than I am.

I also want to see someone hump 20 guys in one night and then try to figure out which of them might be gay.

you can't hang with the Hung.

Great post. You almost convinced me to watch the Idol. I do like your reality porno, though.
I told you not to talk about that here. I'll meet you over on the Bondage Without Borders site.
I come by way of dooce...

Loved the AI post- hilarious and so true, but I find myself watching reality shows every now and then because nothing else is on- I don't have cable because I find that with 300 channels to choose from I become a big couch potato.

Oh, and being a nurse do you know Cristina R.? I don't recall her last name but she is a nurse in Houston who also blogs...
WHOA!!! you have DD boobs? hehe
not so much. but if i did, i bet i would pass the rigid standards for appearing on Fear Factor. Being able to such earthworms through your nose requires massive breasts, fyi.
SUCK. god, i suck at typing today.
She said rigid standards in the same sentence as Fear Factor. ooooo. Reminds me of spankings.
Do you need a spanking? Because I think Mary Kate Olsen was looking for you.
NO...MORE...HUNG! Please!
but... but... HE BANGS!
I loves me some AI!
I never saw Hung. But the rejects on AI are very funny.
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