1.05.2005

American Idle

Could I BE any more desperate for American Idol to start?

One thing about me, I totally hate reality TV; it's gotten way out of control. I mean let's get real here: am I going to meet, fall in love with and mount my future husband over the course of 12 one-hour episodes? Am I ever going to wrap my DD boobs in a size 0 designer swimsuit and eat a bucket full of mange-infested puppies? Would I ever want to study business practices under a man with heinous hairplugs, a bankrupt empire and the personality of a mime on benzos? Would Vince Neil and Corey Feldman ever really be roommates?

So reality TV is like, so un-real. EXCEPT for the Idol. What could be more real than thousands upon thousands of undermedicated young people standing in line for 7 days with the misguided perception that their vocal talent rivals that of Jasmine from Aladdin? What I want to know is which halfway house in Atlanta decided it would be a good idea to take all of their residents on a field trip to the American Idol auditions. I also want to know where they get their outfits because sequins and safety pins seem to be making a huge comeback.

To me, the beginning of each season of American Idol is like watching Jerry Springer or a deadly car wreck; you feel really bad for watching, but you can't help but think, "at least I'm better off than THAT guy." The only difference is, I don't feel sorry for the assholes on AI. Listen dude, when your mommy told you that you could do anything you set your mind to, she wasn't referring to striking a pose like the Material Girl on national television.

There's a reason why we enjoy watching people's hopes and dreams get shattered into a million pieces like so many of my ill-fated mirrors. We're sick, we're sadistic, and we like to see people lose. There's a niche for that sort of thing and network television is exploiting the shit out of it. I don't even watch the Bachelor or any of it's similiarly wretched demon-spawn offspring, but I'll be damned if I can't WAIT for Trista and Ryan's marriage to fail miserably. Who wants a happy ending these days? I want to see people who are bigger failures at this reality show called life than I am.

I also want to see someone hump 20 guys in one night and then try to figure out which of them might be gay.


you can't hang with the Hung.

Comments:
Great post. You almost convinced me to watch the Idol. I do like your reality porno, though.
 
I told you not to talk about that here. I'll meet you over on the Bondage Without Borders site.
 
I come by way of dooce...

Loved the AI post- hilarious and so true, but I find myself watching reality shows every now and then because nothing else is on- I don't have cable because I find that with 300 channels to choose from I become a big couch potato.

Oh, and being a nurse do you know Cristina R.? I don't recall her last name but she is a nurse in Houston who also blogs...
 
WHOA!!! you have DD boobs? hehe
 
not so much. but if i did, i bet i would pass the rigid standards for appearing on Fear Factor. Being able to such earthworms through your nose requires massive breasts, fyi.
 
SUCK. god, i suck at typing today.
 
She said rigid standards in the same sentence as Fear Factor. ooooo. Reminds me of spankings.
 
Do you need a spanking? Because I think Mary Kate Olsen was looking for you.
 
NO...MORE...HUNG! Please!
 
but... but... HE BANGS!
 
I loves me some AI!
 
I never saw Hung. But the rejects on AI are very funny.
 
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