Do you have this problem?

I WANT TO KILL. YES, KILL. If one more person calls my home wanting to consolidate my fucking student loans, I THINK I WILL GO POSTAL. Not just screaming at the person on the phone postal--no, no--machete flailing, Confederate Rebel Yell-wailing, baby-mauling, MOTHER FUCKING POSTAL.

I might want to...
consolidate your student moans. Hell, we should put all our student moans together.

I mean, dude, we could make some shit ass mad money.
Why should Snoop get all the green??
WOW! I would just tell them to hold on and set the phone down and have fake sex so they can hear. Or blast the radio into the phone. Whatevere works for you.
Student moans? Fake sex? We have the best blog readers in America.

Fats, you need to gather up your unruly band of custodians (PAGING RANALDO) and beat the shit out of the phone solicitors.
I get the consolidation dry humping through snail mail. I see envelope upon envelope and get really hot and sweaty, thinking I've received some sort of accidental check made out to me for DOING NOTHING, and then I look closer at the "Important Document Enclosed" and see that it's the above-mentioned bullshit and promptly stuff it into the stinky fucking garbage where it can ROT in consolidation hell. Motherfuckers.
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