2.28.2005

Dyn-o-MITE!

I was just standing outside of my patient's room charting when a doctor came by to see him. He was obviously a resident and a retard because he said, "Did somebody call about this patient pulling his drain out?" YEAH DUDE, OVER 16 HOURS AGO. Hey slow down, Keanu, there's no need for speed on THIS short bus.

He went inside, fumbled around in the dark for 3 minutes, and then emerged to ask me, "Wait, which drain did he pull out?" Look Sherlock, ya see that spot where there used to be a drain but there ain't one now? Yeah, that's right, the spot that is profusely gushing bloody drainage. That'd be it. Seriously, how much about this patient do you actually KNOW because in my opinion, you should already know how many drains he has and where they are located on his body. Shall I draw you a sketch?

Anyway, after telling him where his patient's drains are and which one is missing and what he should do about it, he left. I was still standing in the hall near the elevators- THE SAME PLACE I WAS FIVE MINUTES AGO- charting. He walks past me to the elevators, all of 3 feet away, where he attempted to alter the chemical composition of the earth's atmosphere by releasing a NOS-powered superfart that registered a 7.0 on the Richter scale in Southern California. What was he thinking? That I'd be too engrossed in my charting to notice the noise induced by one's underwear suddenly filling with noxious sulfur and ass-juices? That I'd think someone else in the abandoned hallway was releasing monstrously toxic explosions of methane gas through their rectal passages? That I would take it as an invite to whip out the A-1?

To make matters worse, he had to continue standing there, in a dense cloud of his own filth, for a full minute before the elevator came to whisk him away from his shame and a potential class-action lawsuit from the EPA. Meanwhile, I had to run away... not from the smell, but because I was laughing so hard that I almost let one rip myself.

Comments:
I wish my job was as entertaining as yours. But I guess that's your reward for handling human waste. Fair exchange, I'd say.
 
The only thing more embarassing than ripping a fart is busting one loose in an elevator alone. With you standing there, our resident knew who he was going to war with, and he made his choice. During the wild ups and downs of an elevator ride, there is never any telling what beautiful maiden or distinguished colleague might join you on your trip. It's always post flatulence that beautiful girls get onto elevators with men standing alone. What you interpreted as a disgusting lack of courtesy was truly just the action of a man, thoroughly versed in the art.....of the fart.
 
Gross. But, you know we've all done the same thing - let 'er rip when we think we're safe, but oops, the silent WAS deadly, and now we're busted. I always lie though. Sometimes I'll rip a goody in my sealed up office, and a co-worker will walk in later and ask if someone farted, and I always do the 'ol wrinkle my forehead up like WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, say NO, and then ask, "did YOU fart?"
 
HDL, the fart WAS deadly (I had to call a code blue on the patient at the end of the hall), but it was NOT silent. It wasn't like when you think you can let a little peeper out and get away with it, until it stinks up everything in a 2-mile radius with enough permeation to make your hair smell like ass for the next week. It was so loud that I thought the circus had come to town with their 20-elephant parade. Nasty.
 
eeeeeewwww'

A1 will NEVER EVER be the same to any of us again. ever.
 
Yesterday I got busted by my own daughter for a SBD. I let it fly as we were in the garage getting into the car. Apparently it followed me, because as we're driving away, she says "It smells like eggs in here." I copped to it, and she says "Dad, you should've done that outside!"
 
That was the most deliciously eloquent description of a fart I've ever read.

Maybe deliciously is the wrong word...
 
ROFL!!! LOL!!!
 
Shame on him for not pinching his cheeks together and giving it a test push before just letting it ERUPT!

About a year and a half ago I had the worst hangover of my life. While I was puking, I farted, and it was the worst thing I could have possibly smelled at the time. You already know what's coming - my fart was so bad, it made me throw up some more. I am a fucking stallion!!!
 
laughing with tears in my eyes (not from the SBD gases)

dag/twisteduterus
 
Ahhhhh, farts. Are they ever not funny? I guess when your nose hairs melt from an old incompetent doctor, but... it sure is funny when you aren't the victim.

I probably shpuld tell thisone, but here we go. When I was a kid my family belonged to a swim and tennis club. One day we went into the gym and my dad decided he wanted to do some situps. Big mistake. With every one he did he let out a fart. I was on a rowing machine just looking at him in horrow. Then I started to laugh. He was laughing too, but just kept going. He probably dropped about 15 bombs on the place. I had to leave the room crying and wretching for air. The best part was that there were 3 other ladies in there. My dad is high culture!
 
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Hi,

I'm sorry for being intrusive in to your blog. But I am Melissa and I am a mother of two that is just trying to get out of an incredible financial debt. See my hubby is away in Iraq trying to protect this great country that we live in, and I am at home with our two kids telling bill collectors please be patiant. When my husband returns from war we will beable to catch up on our payments. We have already had are 2001 Ford repossessed from the bank, and are now down to a 83 buick that is rusted from front to back and the heater don't work, and tire tax is due in November.

I'm not asking for your pitty because we got our ownselfs into this mess but we would love you and thank you in our prayers if you would just keep this link on your blog for others to view.

God Bless You.

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Games & PC Games News - Oct. 16, 2005


Is the PC game market? (Dallas Morning News)
The last few years have not been all fun and games for computer game fans, but that might be changing. As attention has shifted to sophisticated video game consoles such as the Xbox and PlayStation 2, PC gamers have watched their preferred platform wither.

Xbox 360's New Media Play Finding Fans (eWeek)
Consumers were impressed by the expanded multimedia features of Microsoft's upcoming Xbox 360 at the Digital Life conference, while gamers were excited to begin using the devices to access other types of services.

NewTek Releases Fifth Free Feature Update for LightWave 3D (Digital WebCast)
NewTek, Inc., manufacturer of industry-leading 3D animation and video products, today announced the release of the fifth free update and the 64-bit port for Emmy award-winning LightWave 3D . Version 8.5 offers hardware support of OpenGL 2.0, the new Multishift tool with editable history, Photoshop -style texture blending modes, improved dynamics, and easier integration of third-party file formats.

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