A Fun Trip to College Town

Last Friday I went to work with my friend Kelly, who is a professor at a large state university. Not only did I attend her classes (damn, who knew that political parties were so fucking cool? James Madison and his Founding Father Posse, that's who!!!) but I also succeeded in seducing one of her T.A.s, who we'll call Andy. Well, since Kel hadn't prepared too well for her second class (a general US History survey course that she's taught, oh, about 27 TIMES BEFORE), she asked me what I thought her lecture topic should be. Well, without question, BOOBS is the right answer. I mean, come on, you need a real crowd pleaser for a class of 150, right? Boobs provide just enough intrigue to keep the under-sexed and overly coddled frat boys panting for more, but others in the room will hang on in sheer fascination because, let's be honest here, boobs ARE an interesting topic, whether you have them, want them, or just like to fondle them.

In my excitement, I continually muttered "boobs" under my breath (sorry, front row) throughout the lecture, and after the classroom cleared, I set myself to the difficult task of defacing the dry erase board with the many ways one can write BOOBS. (Fun tip: you can decorate the O's in BOOBS with cute little nipples!) Well, at this point, young Andy is already mesmerized by my disarmingly good looks and witty charm, but the BOOBS thing has just sent him over the edge. Right then and there, REPEATEDLY, the boy ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM. I have it on good authority that said lad is 26 years old, WAY too old to be asking girls to marry him if he doesn't have a several-carat diamond to whip out for her. A gal's got to have standards! But seriously, he asked me to marry him three times. THREE TIMES!

I gotta get back there soon. Maybe next time he'll be boasting jewels to back up his petty advances. (Who am I kidding--I, too, live on a TA stipend: the only jewels he can afford come in a Cracker Jack box that he stole from the Dollar General.)

Oh, for those of you interested in the actual lecture topic Kelly selected: African-Americans in the aftermath of the Civil War. I know, not NEARLY as fun as BOOBS.

I can't decide which of you is sillier.
Neither of us is silliER, George!. It's a statistical tie, and it has been since the day we met!
The boys, they cannot resist the magical entities that are boobies. Use them well ladies; use them often.

wrong! we can resist them just fine!

wait, did you say boobies?

oh, yeah. she's right.
Fats, considering your well documented history of whipping your boobs out in front of an entire classroom of awkward, undersexed and google eyed teenagers, I'm surprised you didn't take matters into your own hands. Literally.

Some of those boys might have gleaned greater appreciation for their Founding Fathers.
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