2.21.2005

Things that could be seen and heard at the Nurses' Table at Ron's wedding

"How did your boobs get so big? Now that I'm finally having good sex again, I could really use some of those."

"So tell me the truth, did you make some comment about how I only date guys who drive Bimmers?"
"No, of course not! I would never say that to your face!"

"Next time don't wear white to someone else's wedding, you fucking bitch."

"Nobody eats meat in Colorado! Ugh, they're all HEALTHY and shit."

"She's not bitter and disillusioned because she doesn't clean up shit for a living."

"He still lives at home with his Mommy."

"Where is your family from?"
"Beirut."
"Really? Mine, too!"

"You should ask that old man behind you to dance."
"I think that's Ron's grandpa."

"She doesn't even use firewall."
"I DO TOO USE FIREWALL!... What's a firewall?"

"Yeah, we're Life Partners. That's what happens when you're drunk at 2am and sitting outside, waiting for the Metro Rail. You become Life Partners with a gay man."

"Her fiancee is a podiatrist resident."
"A DIETARY resident?!"
"No, you idiot, PODIATRIST."

"They have a CHEESE BUFFET! With a little cheese groom and a little cheese palm tree!"

"Let's peel out of the parking lot."

"Your boyfriends are always at least 30 with an MD after their name."
"Nuh uh, this one is only 28!"

(To the bride:) "Congratulations! You look so beautiful. Have a great time in Tahiti!"
"Yeah yeah, thanks, you too."

A pictoral representation of Spoonleg's transition into drunkenness:

ONE GLASS OF WINE


TWO GLASSES OF WINE


THREE GLASSES OF WINE (or, Oh my God that chocolate cake is going to taste so bad on the way back up.)

This one is for Caroline:

Be still, my heart.

A gathering of two or more nurses in a small, confined space is a recipe for trouble. Especially if said small, confined space also has a liquor license. Exhibit A:

We're up to no good.

Comments:
A couple more glasses of wine, and you might find me handsome. Ok, maybe a couple more bottles. Whatever it takes.

Bottoms up!
 
I love the third picture of you. "Hello, I'm Spoony...blllaauauugghh".

I am so proud that you are my wife, because you have killer taa-taa's.
 
Killer taa-taa's? Wow, what a way to go.
 
For one, I'm tempted to find a picture of my killer taa-taa's so that I can compete with YOURS and SECONDLY, I'm about to throw down with Amanda B.....I want YOU as MY wife, you NILF!
 
Your outfit is super cute, and shiny. MMM wine.
 
HDL- I've seen your taa-taa's hooka, they are killa too. I will share my Spoony, if it's ok by her.

*Amanda B. honks HDL's taa-taas in admiration*

honk honk
 
A few quotes you missed:

"Why do you have photos of naked mexican children?"
"Those are the cameras that came with my picture!!!!"

"I'd like a glass of the Kendall Jackson Cab..."
"That'll be $9.75"

"I'd like a glass of the Kendall Jackson Cab..."
"Sorry kid, why don't you have your big sister with the taa-taa's order for you..."

"So your father is lebanese? Are you two close?"
"He's a bastard and I've seen him once since I was 2 years old."
 
I can't believe I forgot the cameras that came with my picture line. A classic.

And another quote that was heard at the wedding which I will use now for Amanda B and HDL, "Girls, girls, you're both pretty." I'll share my taa-taas with everyone. Lord knows there's enough to go around.
 
Amanda B and Spoonhumper - I'm all up for the sharing as well. What's better than a hot slut blogger threesome? Blogger Boners throughout cyber space have just SPRUNG.
 
Or they've turned into jello... the blogger boners that is... I guess it just depends on the person.
 
Hey! What exactly are you saying George?
 
SPROIOIOIOING!
 
"Spoonleg" reminds me of a pirate... AARRGGHH!!! And honey, you ain't no pirate. Hump! Hump!

You are beautiful and so are your ta-tas. And I mean that in the nastiest way possible.

Only 3 glasses? Jeez, I'm a lush!
 
Thanks for the picture of your man whore, spoonie.

I also have killer taa-taas. Seriously, I could put an eye out with the girls. I almost did one time...

I lurve to go to wedding receptions with open bars. I even hijacked a limo once. But that's a long story, for another time.
 
I was joking, it would totally turn every man on, straight OR gay.
 
Someone say killer tatas?

Spoonie - great lines from the table. You are looking smokin' hot there too.

Here's a funny line my friend muttered once. He was trying to describe a blind person's assistance dog and called it a "seeing eye blind dog". I don't think that would be much help.

I am soooo down with this tata triumverent(sp?). B, HDL, and Spoonie you know where to find me. =)
 
Well, Spoonie, looks like you're the one who knows how to say "Hi" in Whoreville now.

Just how many wives do you have? Not that I mind, I just want to keep a ta-ta count.

Amanda B: honk.
 
In the words of a guy from a show that I'm embarrassed to enjoy...

"The recent developements have made it so that this is no longer a love triangle. It has become...a love rhombus"

If you dikes want her..come get her, but you'll have to get past me or include me...I recommend the latter, as my nunchaku skills are formidable. So bring the oil and vinegar, the sprouts, and organic veggies...I'll bring the sausage, and let's make us a sammich.
 
Don't worry darling, there's no need to be embarrassed of watching American Idol. LOTS of people consider Simon their personal mentor.
 
Twas not the Idol from which the rhombus line came. No, these are the words of the awkwardly charming Seth Cohen. So the secret is out. When I'm not chasing ho's, discharging firearms, watching sports, or being insensitive, I can be found firmly planted on my secondhand couch watching the OC.
And I try to keep my oxfords in color wheel order, and I have quite an affinity for a big cabernet, and I own more belts than my girlfriend...and now, I'm going to ESPN.com to reaffirm my masculinity...
 
TWO OF THE SAME BELTS! And many of the same shirts. And the shoes, don't forget the shoes! God, so many shoes! And let's not even talk about the hair care products...
 
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