The only math I do is adding up how many cans of Ensure they drank.

I know that posting around here has been sparse, and I'll tell you that it will continue to be so for a little while for one very important reason: spoonie is studying to take the GRE's. That's right, hopefully by the fall I will be movin' and shakin' into grad school and before long, will be able to turn my career in a direction I've long been lusting for... AWAY FROM SPELUNKING. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and spelunking for poo is not as bad as you'd imagine (I can't believe I just said that), but I can't help but feel as if there are bigger and better things out there for me. To be quite honest, I've got another 30 or 40 years of nursing ahead of me, and I have a distinct feeling that I might get burnt out on spelunking sooner rather than later. Perhaps I'm selling out, but I feel as if it is for the best interest of all involved. Nobody wants a half-assed spelunk. I can tell you from personal experience, they always want the WHOLE ASS.

So in the next three weeks I need to cram every formula and mathematical theory that I never learned and never understood into my tiny little brain. (DEAR GOD, HOW I HATE MATH!) Frankly, I have a lot of work to do, and I'm just a wee bit nervous about it. So rather than spending my free time blogging and watching Judge Mathis reruns, I will instead be buckling down and trying to remember how long divison works while systematically plotting the death of whatever douchebag invented that shit. Meanwhile, you all can spend time enjoying some VIRTUAL BUBBLE WRAP- I figure this should entertain you for at least another week and a half, at which time I will consider making another post and/or bludgeoning myself with a large metal bat.

So wish me luck and don't laugh too hard when I forget how to add and subtract fractions, BECAUSE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS WHOLLY (ha!) THERE ARE NO FRACTIONS INVOLVED IN THE SPELUNKING OF POO!

Good Luck! What is it that you're aspiring to be? I don't know much about the field of nursing!
Hi. I just started reading your blog about a week or two ago and I think you are hilarious. I get confused over who's posting, but I still enjoy it. Good luck on your GREs! Study hard.
Good luck chickadee! I know you can do it.

I hate math too, with a throbbing passion. What are you going to grad school to do? Tell us the details yo!
dearest fats,

you know i feel ya. the gre is not greeeaatt! like i had hoped, but rather about as much fun as the thesis i am writing now. and think, a passing score on that sucker got me here!

i bid you, remember your humble beginnings in Mrs. Elizalde's algebra II class--you, me, and carmel, the kid who taught us how to be ghetto, (not) learning about FOILing (or LOIFing, if you want to) but rather waving the hot pink "Elizalde Bucks" we got out of pity because we sucked at math THAT BAD.

in carmel's words, "girl, you to' up from the flo' up!!" (at least that's how you'll feel after you take the damn test. i know i did.

don't worry, you'll do fine. just offer the proctor a lap dance. it worked for me!

One day you will get paid to teach the art of spelunking and all will the thankful.
Good luck! I used to cheat by putting the answers on an index card and pinning it to the inside of a low cut top. They can't exactly ask you to take your bra off, so it worked for my advanced calculus class and I got a B on the final. HA.
Spooney you sexy biatch! Best of luck on the GRE! If you score more than average I'll buy you whatever bottle of alchohol you want! That's a deal!
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good luck spoonie-
those GREs---ugh

My warmest wishes to you and yours during this difficult time......
just to freak you out a little - elizalde was C's algebra teacher & coach elizalde was his coach - according to him "she loved me"
I actually partly chose library science as a grad degree because (at my school, anyway), the GRE is not required! The GRE really sucks big ones...I did really good on my SATs, but I felt like a complete idiot when I took the GRE. I felt like that ditzy teenage-looking/acting nurse on Will and Grace once who talks about how she can't pass the written test to get her driver's license: "I'm all, this is hard!"

And curses on you for the bubble-wrap link! Like I don't have enough temptations to waste my time on the web. I posted about it on my blog, and linked back to you too :)
THAT IS SO CRAZY. Hey everyone, Nessa's husband went to the same high school as Fats and I- HOW WIERD IS THAT?! I'm sure Elizalde loved your hubby, however I can probably ensure that she did NOT love Fats and I. We did anything and everything BUT math in that class. And now it's paying off, as you can tell.

Thanks for the well wishes everyone! I'll surely need them when the time comes. I hope to go back to school to become a Nurse Practitioner. My ULTIMATE DREAM (which at this point in my life seems so far-fetched that it's nothing more than a fantasy) is to open up my own Hospice House. In the meantime, I will work towards getting my master's in gerontology and get some more experience working with the geezers, to whom I am so very partial. We'll see where the road of life takes me, though... there's no telling!
After boards I thought I'd never ever ever EVER want to take another standardized test ever ever EVER again. It may be a few years before I decide to leave the bedside, take the GREs and move onto another field in nursing. Good luck!
Hey Spoonie!

GOOD LUCK on the GREs! I wish I could give you some great advice but I gots none, since I suck at tests. My brother got all the good test genes in the family. He got perfect scores on the SATs and GREs. Then he got 3 masters and 2 PhDs. Fucker.

But, BUT, what I really want to say is, considering how long I've known you and loved you on the internet - (since December?) I have never loved you more than I love you right now. That you want to dedicate your work to taking care of geezers. That your dream is hospice.

I admire you. Heartily.
Good luck chicky! You will do great, even though math sucks hard.

I took the civil service exam and was FREAKING OUT because fractions scare me and my husband mocks me when he is like honey two 1/4 cups of sugar is a half a cup, like qaurters DUH! Yeah, and i will ask him that EVERY TIME I bake some shit.

You wan't to know that didn't you? hahaha
You are going to do wonderfully lovah! If you test half as well as you eat ice-cream and buy shit off e-bay, you're going to get your GED no problem.
Isn't my boyfriend supportive, yall? Yes, I am a pro at eating ice cream and ordering things from ebay (ALTHOUGH, blogging has been a perfect substitute for THAT addiction), but he tends to get things mixed up. Like the difference between GRE and GED. Like the colors orange and green. Y'know, that kinda stuff.

THANKS Lapix, your wishes mean a lot to me. You were my very first internet/blogger reader and friend waaaay back in the ancient time of DECEMBER 2004! Yes, my long-term goal involves hospice. It has for a very long time. In nursing school I patiently went through all of my clinical rotations, waiting and waiting for the experience that would pierce me like a bullet and say, HERE! *THIS* IS WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING! I was so disappointed that I hadn't had such an experience until my senior year, when I did a couple of weeks with a home hospice nurse. It was so amazing, it was everything I loved about nursing and was the very reason that I chose it as a profession. I can't help it-- I love dem geezers! (Although, hospice is not all geezers; but they are, of course, still my favorite!)
Good luck. Go WHOLE ASS on the studying. Let that test know who it's dealing with. Let it know that you're not afraid to shove your hand right up it's ass.
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