Top Ten Signs that Winter has Officially Arrived in Houston
9. My car scared the shit out of me today by emitting a loud *DING* when it started up, which is MINI-speak for, "HOLY SHIT, THE TEMPERATURE HAS DROPPED BELOW FREEZING, EVERYBODY PANIC!" I like this little feature of my car, but have only experienced it TWICE before.
8. Fat, ugly white people wearing FUBU track suits. 'Nuff said.
7. Today's top local news story was about a dude who was seen jogging in a t-shirt and shorts early this morning. I kid you not, they showed no less than 15 minutes of video footage of this poor soul, the camera men chasing after him as he was jogging along, minding his own fucking business. This segment was peppered with such keen journalistic observations as, "That guy is crazy!" and "He must really be serious about his jogging!" and "I'll bet he's cold!"
6. This holiday season, it's not enough to decorate your vehicle with a mere wreath or strand of tinsel. In Texas, you must have actual blinking, colored, singing, animated holiday accessories which are distracting enough to take attention away from the fact that you can't drive for shit.
5. Even non-homeless people can be seen trudging down the sidewalk wearing king sized comforters draped over their shoulders.
4. Despite the fact that I've been drinking hot chocolate almost daily for an entire month now, today was the first day I was able to do so without breaking a sweat.
3. The cloud of dust and smell of burning hair emanating from my vents is a pretty good indication that my heater hasn't seen much use in the past decade. In fact, I think this is the first time I've had to turn it on... ever.
2. My cat has taken up permanent residence under the covers on my bed. If I happen to need that particular space on the bed for my own purposes, he will begrudgingly shove over to make room, but not before pressing his cold, wet nose against every square inch of exposed skin that he can find.
1. I left the house today donning a week's worth of unwashed hair and no bra... and no one was the wiser. Thank God for hats and sweatshirts is all I'm sayin'.
Houston doesn't have winter... it has two seasons, Summer & February.
Keep warm and use Kam as a human blanket!
Tis the season...EVERYWHERE.