Shocking the Midwest.

I leave for SHOCKago today, and I have to admit that I'm just a little bit nervous. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE flying. I get such a thrill out of what most people consider to be pretty mundane. For one, I immediately develop a girl-crush on every single flight attendant on the aircraft. As I sit in my little window seat next to some sweaty mouth breather in coach, I weave all of these soap opera-esqe tales in my mind of whirlwind romances in France, drunken orgies in Greece, and sloppy donkey shows in Mexico. To every gay man of the 80's and every single, power-hungry and self sufficient woman of today, flight attendants represent the epitome of sexual liberation. They are the physical embodiment of random, anonymous and committment-free international sex. Plus they get free peanuts. Does life get any better than that? I should think not.

I also LOVE airplane turbulence. When the pilot hits a rocky spot in the skies, my anatomical reaction is that which I can only describe as the female equivalent of a boner. Fuck a boyfriend; turbulence is like having a 150 foot vibrator between your legs. I can join the Mile High Club from RIGHT THERE IN MY SEAT, and the sweaty mouth breather will be none the wiser. Pummelling to my death after flying through some type of horrid weather anomaly would not be so bad, in my opinion. I know I would die the happiest woman on earth, and really, isn't that what's important?

So maybe I shouldn't be so nervous afterall. Although this is my first time flying solo, I think I'll probably just grab a blanket, tune the iPod in to some Marvin Gaye, and enjoy the ride.

See you bitches Tuesday!

I dare you, if there's turbulence, to start making orgasmic noises, like Meg Ryan from when Harry Met Sally!
You're a dirty, nasty slut. See ya in a few hours.
Dammit!! I'm missing it. Have a GREAT time!! Can't wait to see the pictures.
See you in a couple hours. I'm sure you are already there humping Rami. You dirty whore.
Shock On!!! And have a great time this weekend!
At least if you hook up with Rami, you two would have cute bi-racial babies. Slut.

Hope you all have fun and do a lot of dirty, dirty things!
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