They Call Her Flipa.
Growing up in the hood, Flipa had it hard. Her life has been one long, rough ride. She's been used, abused and mistreated. But Flipa is the kind of person to take what is dished out to her, and then turn the other cheek to ask for more. She truly touches and inspires all who know her well.
Flipa is a gorgeous specimen. She's tight, sculpted and silky smooth with curves in all the right places. But Flipa's true allure is her single, penetrating brown eye. Men often find themselves drawn into that eye for hours on end. Flipa is also well known for her succulent, plump lips. Anyone who has experienced those two glorious lips knows how they can leave you wet, raw and ready for more. But beware... she won't hesitate to blow the rape whistle on anyone who gets out of line.
I remember the good times I've had with Flipa. Not the same type of good times she'll have in her next life, but good nonetheless. Flipa was an avid shopper. Some of her favorite stores are Crate and Barrel and Victoria's Secret.
Flipa enjoyed shopping for panties with us in Chicago, though she later told me that full coverage briefs aren't exactly her style. She ended up buying a few pair of crotchless G-strings, and wrote them off as an occupational expense.
Keeping her girlish figure in its original shape is never an easy task for Flipa. So when all the gals all got together for dinner at the local Mexican-Syrian cantina, Flipa didn't order any food, claiming she was saving room for a creamy dessert.
She did, however, put a sizable dent in our mango-flavored margarita supply. After all, you know what they say... when Flipa's around, the juices will always flow!
In honor of Flipa's departure from the free world, I would like to bestow some words of wisdom unto her newest friend on the other side of the globe. First, you should know that Flipa enjoys long walks on the beach. I understand that beaches, like condoms and wet wipes, are in short supply in Iraq, therefore let me offer this helpful suggestion. Dig a hole in the sand. Lay down some newspaper. Fill it with piss. Strategically place some umbrellas and lawn chairs in the vicinity. Complete the deception by costuming yourself in hawaiian print board shorts and a pair of flipa flops. Tell her you're at Middle East Beach. Her bikini bottoms will drop faster than you can say, "easy". Flipa also enjoys riding bareback through the countryside. She will, however, settle for riding bareback on your cousin's futon. Flipa loves to wrap her two lips around a nice, stiff beverage. Tell her that she's beautiful, and she'll be sipping your stiffie ALL NIGHT LONG. Romantic fireside chats while curled up in a sheepskin blanket are one of Flipa's favorite pasttimes. So the next time the two of you pass a hobo trashcan fire, start whispering in her ear all of the naughty things you want to do to her. Assuming that no sheepskin blankets are available, be sure to at least cover yourself with a sheepskin condom. Lord knows that sister's been flipped all over town, and the last thing any of us needs is a FTD (Flipa Transmitted Disease). If you can't decide on which of the above mentioned activities to participate in first, just flipa coin. Here's a hint: always choose tails.
Bottom line, I know Flipa will be happier in her new life. I have no doubt she will be constantly filled with joy. Overflowing, even. What can I say, everywhere Flipa goes, she gets a lot of love. Indeed, friends, Flipa is the new black. Actually, Flipa is the USED black. And used is the new new.
Godspeed, Flipa. God. Speed.
Here is a musical tribute to Flipa, set to the tune of Flipper. Feel free to add your contributions in the comments.
They call her Flipa, Flipa, she'll have him sighing
No one you see is harder than he!
Her name is Flipa, with two sides he can plunder
Lying there under, under the sheets!
Everyone loves the Queen Bee
One hole where she poos and one where she pees!
Tricks she will turn when long dicks appear
Oh, how they rise when she's near!
No bitch you see, is fly like Flipa be
And we know Flipa, lives in a world run by pimps
Fucking her over, even stealing her Timb's
Everyone loves the bitch from the block,
Ever so high from smokin' too much rock,
Tricks she will do when the scrubs appear,
And how they BUST IT when their dick's in her rear!
No one could make you cum faster than she
We know Flippa, lives in a world of herpes sores
Taking it in the front and flipping around for more
Everyone loves the queen of masturbation,
Ever so soft and causes ejaculation,
Tricks she will do when filled by you,
And how easily she slides on, when you give it to her in the poo!
We are all rooting for you Shock-a-zulu!