6.28.2006

They Call Her Flipa.

Ladies and gentlemen, we gather here today to say farewell to our dear friend and Sister under the Lord, Flipa. Allow me to take this opportunity to say a few words about Flipa. Flipa is the type of woman who never says no. Despite her seemingly tough and street-wise exterior, she's truly a softie on the inside; she will bend over backwards to please those she cares about. She might be a strong soul sista, but Flipa quite obviously wears her vagina on her sleeve.


 
Growing up in the hood, Flipa had it hard. Her life has been one long, rough ride. She's been used, abused and mistreated. But Flipa is the kind of person to take what is dished out to her, and then turn the other cheek to ask for more. She truly touches and inspires all who know her well.


 
Flipa is a gorgeous specimen. She's tight, sculpted and silky smooth with curves in all the right places. But Flipa's true allure is her single, penetrating brown eye. Men often find themselves drawn into that eye for hours on end. Flipa is also well known for her succulent, plump lips. Anyone who has experienced those two glorious lips knows how they can leave you wet, raw and ready for more. But beware... she won't hesitate to blow the rape whistle on anyone who gets out of line.


 
I remember the good times I've had with Flipa. Not the same type of good times she'll have in her next life, but good nonetheless. Flipa was an avid shopper. Some of her favorite stores are Crate and Barrel and Victoria's Secret.



Flipa enjoyed shopping for panties with us in Chicago, though she later told me that full coverage briefs aren't exactly her style. She ended up buying a few pair of crotchless G-strings, and wrote them off as an occupational expense.


 
Keeping her girlish figure in its original shape is never an easy task for Flipa. So when all the gals all got together for dinner at the local Mexican-Syrian cantina, Flipa didn't order any food, claiming she was saving room for a creamy dessert.



She did, however, put a sizable dent in our mango-flavored margarita supply. After all, you know what they say... when Flipa's around, the juices will always flow!
 


In honor of Flipa's departure from the free world, I would like to bestow some words of wisdom unto her newest friend on the other side of the globe. First, you should know that Flipa enjoys long walks on the beach. I understand that beaches, like condoms and wet wipes, are in short supply in Iraq, therefore let me offer this helpful suggestion. Dig a hole in the sand. Lay down some newspaper. Fill it with piss. Strategically place some umbrellas and lawn chairs in the vicinity. Complete the deception by costuming yourself in hawaiian print board shorts and a pair of flipa flops. Tell her you're at Middle East Beach. Her bikini bottoms will drop faster than you can say, "easy". Flipa also enjoys riding bareback through the countryside. She will, however, settle for riding bareback on your cousin's futon. Flipa loves to wrap her two lips around a nice, stiff beverage. Tell her that she's beautiful, and she'll be sipping your stiffie ALL NIGHT LONG. Romantic fireside chats while curled up in a sheepskin blanket are one of Flipa's favorite pasttimes. So the next time the two of you pass a hobo trashcan fire, start whispering in her ear all of the naughty things you want to do to her. Assuming that no sheepskin blankets are available, be sure to at least cover yourself with a sheepskin condom. Lord knows that sister's been flipped all over town, and the last thing any of us needs is a FTD (Flipa Transmitted Disease). If you can't decide on which of the above mentioned activities to participate in first, just flipa coin. Here's a hint: always choose tails.
 
Bottom line, I know Flipa will be happier in her new life. I have no doubt she will be constantly filled with joy. Overflowing, even. What can I say, everywhere Flipa goes, she gets a lot of love. Indeed, friends, Flipa is the new black. Actually, Flipa is the USED black. And used is the new new.
 
Godspeed, Flipa. God. Speed.



Here is a musical tribute to Flipa, set to the tune of Flipper. Feel free to add your contributions in the comments.

They call her Flipa, Flipa, she'll have him sighing
No one you see is harder than he!
Her name is Flipa, with two sides he can plunder
Lying there under, under the sheets!
 
Everyone loves the Queen Bee
One hole where she poos and one where she pees!
Tricks she will turn when long dicks appear
Oh, how they rise when she's near!

Comments:
Perhaps Flipa needs her own blog.
 
They call her Flipa, Flipa, crunk as Whitney
No bitch you see, is fly like Flipa be
And we know Flipa, lives in a world run by pimps
Fucking her over, even stealing her Timb's

Everyone loves the bitch from the block,
Ever so high from smokin' too much rock,
Tricks she will do when the scrubs appear,
And how they BUST IT when their dick's in her rear!
 
Where is she going?
 
She was deployed to Iraq, effective yesterday. I hope she doesn't mind sand in her crack(s).
 
They call her Flippa, Flippa, blacker than me
No one could make you cum faster than she
We know Flippa, lives in a world of herpes sores
Taking it in the front and flipping around for more

Everyone loves the queen of masturbation,
Ever so soft and causes ejaculation,
Tricks she will do when filled by you,
And how easily she slides on, when you give it to her in the poo!
 
You are one dirty hosebeast! This is the first time I have ever seen a device like this. What's the name of that store? Signed, Snap's mom.
 
Snap's mom, it's a place in Chicago, I can go get you the male compliment of Flippa and send it to you. I know what you like! Snaps told me!
 
Flipa is going to love IRAQ. I hope you remembered to pack her blush and her flipastick–she wants to be able to freshen up before her hot date. She will flipa out if she goes out looking as if she was screwed all night.
 
Make sure it has an alarm on it, Dima. The bitch can't even find the cordless phone whens he's at home, god knows where Flipa's brother would end up. Probably in the dog house. Or laying next to the remotes for the TV.
 
I think she's going to look like she's been screwed all night, EVERY DAY. Poor slut.
 
snaps, who do you mean - flipa or your mother?
 
Dima, i don't need one of those - but the old man could sure use one!
 
Snap's mom, how about I get a Flippa for the old man, and a Flipp-O for you? :)
 
Dima, not now. i am tired and i have a headache. ask me tomorrow, okay? Snap's mom.
 
I think my mom needs the Rambone. That'll get her mind off of her headache REAL fast.
 
What a bunch of deliciously sick fucks you all are!
 
My crazy ass of a mother informed me this morning that she called my cousin (who's husband is deployed), to check whether or not the recipient of Flipa or myself could be IN TROUBLE for sending the bitch over there. So, my old lady is anticipating that one or both of us will be fined $10,000. GET A FUCKING LIFE, because Flipa and her rubbery friends are apparently on a DO NOT SEND list. Twatever. But, if I go missing, get some of Amanda B's Chester money and send it my way for bail.
 
My crazyass of a daughter cannot keep her mouth shut! Girls, watch out what you tell her - the whole internet world will hear about it!
 
what a pathetic ass attempt at a good post

Jesse
 
Hey Jesse, sounds like you need a good fucking yourself. Get the dick out of your ass, bitch.
 
I love Flipa. Don't tell her I said this, but I think she is one of the sweetest people I know. (and also smokin' hot)

We are all rooting for you Shock-a-zulu!
 
Geez, there's twenty minutes of your life you'll never get back - what a stupid post...kids these days *sigh*

Jude
 
That's a riot! I would buy that for my husband (like i did the glow in the dark condom) just for the laughs!
 
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