7.17.2006

Operation: Get Megan the Mental Help She Needs, Quickly Before She Kills Someone. Namely Me.

Via text message:

Megan: Road trip suicide is on the horizon.

Me: Take pictures and post them to flickr before you go!

Megan:
You cunt. You didn't even try to talk me down.

Me:
Because I look good in black.
____

Via email:

"Did you choke on a chicken bone last night, or what? I waited until 3:00 am
for you to sign on to yahoo. I didn't even get out of my chair to use the
bathroom, I just soiled myself at my desk. I didn't want to miss you. Now
I'm calling in sick to work, because I'm exhausted from stalking you. I've
been paying [your roommate] a monthly stipend this entire time. The reason she's your 'wife' is because I've been putting a little spending money in an account of
hers over in Germany. She keeps tabs on you, and I put franks in her
pocket. Now that I've told you this, I guess that one of us is going to
have to kill you. Enjoy your LAST DAY AT WORK MY FRIEND.

I love you. I've always loved you. Why did you make me do it?
WHY???????????????

Signed,
THE BEST FRIEND YOU EVER HAD
____

via text message:

Megan: Still at work?

Me: Waiting for the bus to take me to my sauna- I mean, car.

Megan: God forbid you suffocate.

Me: Why, so you can claim my corpse and burn it in some sort of pagan lesbian love ceremony? I think not.

Megan: No, I just want to kiss you all over.

Me: That's fucking sick you necrophiliac. Your place or mine?

Megan: Mine. [Your roommate] won't be there.

Me: She might be. She'll probably cuff herself to my lifeless cadaver in her extreme grief. You'll have to work around her.

Megan: I'll wait for her to pass out and cut you loose and then we'll ride off into the sunset, ok, Louise?

Me: I'm not committing a double suicide with you until you get me a promise ring, or at least a convertible.

Megan: How's a promise pod sound? It's either that or a hickey.

Me: I'll take the hickey.

Megan: HALLELUJAH!

____

NOW TAKING SUGGESTIONS FOR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME CHANGE.

Comments:
I'll find you. I'll hunt you down. I know how to pay money to the internet to do background checks and find old addresses, even old neighbors. Just ask that felon I dated once. HA.HA.HA.HA.
 
I think Delilah Waterbottom is a good name for witness protection.
 
You two should totally stage a huge lesbian crime spree...blogging and flickr-ing the whole thing, of course.
 
First Scotty Gee and now Megan. I am thinking you are irresistible to weirdos. New perfume?
 
wait a minute...when did Megan get a cell phone?!?!?!?
 
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