Slighty Inebriated Phone Conversation with My Brother.

"Shea, did you drink all of my vodka while we were in Mississippi?"

"What? NO! What are you talking about?"

"I had a full bottle of vodka in the fridge and now there's only backwash left in there."

"Deja, I don't like vodka, you should know that. I had a bad experience two years back."


"Honestly, I didn't even know you had vodka in the fridge, otherwise I probably would have drank some."

"Oh, just like you didn't know that somehow, a mysterious cannabis plant sprouted itself on mom's balcony? I hear they're indiginous to this area and the locals use the leaves for baking brownies. 'Honestly mom, I don't even like marijuana! But since it was right there on your balcony, I went ahead and smoked some...'"

"Whatever, shut up."

Did you have sex in [my roommate]'s bed?"

"Deja, you're drunk."

"That means yes! Just clean up after yourself next time, freak. Do you have your car payment?"

"No, I still don't have a job."

"Stop smoking so much moonshine pot and go get a job, you lazy fuck. Call me when you have some money."


what the fuck is wrong with you!?
Aw. Little brothers must be fun.
He sounds like a lot of fun! Why the hell did you give him the key to your place in the first place?
I'm with Dima. Silly move giving him a key.
I gave him a key while we were out of town, thinking that the little shit would come by and check on my cats since a) he doesn't have a job, and b) my apartment is literally right down the street from his school. He came by ONCE during the five days we were gone, and left behind some empty Corona bottles and a stain in my roommate's bed. Trust me, I will NOT be making that same mistake again.
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