Slighty Inebriated Phone Conversation with My Brother.
"What? NO! What are you talking about?"
"I had a full bottle of vodka in the fridge and now there's only backwash left in there."
"Deja, I don't like vodka, you should know that. I had a bad experience two years back."
"YOU'RE NINETEEN, HOW CAN YOU HAVE HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE WITH HARD LIQUOR AT SEVENTEEN?"
"Honestly, I didn't even know you had vodka in the fridge, otherwise I probably would have drank some."
"Oh, just like you didn't know that somehow, a mysterious cannabis plant sprouted itself on mom's balcony? I hear they're indiginous to this area and the locals use the leaves for baking brownies. 'Honestly mom, I don't even like marijuana! But since it was right there on your balcony, I went ahead and smoked some...'"
"Whatever, shut up."
Did you have sex in [my roommate]'s bed?"
"Deja, you're drunk."
"That means yes! Just clean up after yourself next time, freak. Do you have your car payment?"
"No, I still don't have a job."
"Stop smoking so much moonshine pot and go get a job, you lazy fuck. Call me when you have some money."